i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
