Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
