My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
