just tell him i said nine months
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
