I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
