We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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