I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
