____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
