Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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