You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
