So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
