Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize