i don't like sucking hair
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
