so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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