I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
