Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
