Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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