We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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