hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
