my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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