We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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