sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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