Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
