yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's never too late to be topless.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I want a musical about memes.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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