The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
