The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
