i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
