Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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