You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
