Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize