everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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