i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Randomize