So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
