So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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