turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
