Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
