is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
