Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
