he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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