I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
