I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Randomize
