I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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