I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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