I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
