miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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