This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
