My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
