fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
