I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize