operation harelip BJ is a go
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
