i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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