Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
