i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
