i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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