A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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