D3 body, D1 cock
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
