forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
