I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
