That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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