there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
