she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize