we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
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