Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
