So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
