Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just gargled with NyQuil
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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