i just sent this text using only my big toe
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
