My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Its about making memories worth repressing
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
