no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
