i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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